an inconvenient truth (about gendering)

i've been blogging a lot these days, and i have two theories for this. theory #1: i'm avoiding the writing i should be doing. working out dissertation chapters, editing and rewriting just isn't as fun as blogging. plus, i don't have people evaluating my work, so this is a bonus. theory #2: i am thinking about various concepts and linking them in my head as i analyze my data. i have also been reading extraneous research, which (hopefully) means my brain is getting back into pre-baby shape. i'm thinking more, so i want to make my thoughts known. either way, i'm blogging more, and you get to read these thoughts.

siri turns two in a couple of weeks. it is amazing how fast time flies. looking at pictures from one year ago, i still cannot believe that she is the same person. taller, slimmer, larger vocabulary, more (sometimes rather violent) temper tantrums, but same siri. her birthday falls on columbus day this year, which means many people will not be in town the weekend prior for a party. so, jeff and i pushed up her party to this sunday -- october 3rd. we will be having it at a park nearby so the kids can enjoy the playground. having the party at a venue that is not our home = less cleaning for us, and = more fun for siri b/c we don't, after all, own a slide or swing set.

against jeff's wishes, we (ahem, i) are throwing a themed party. for those who remember, last year's theme was hello kitty, and siri had no say in that one. i wanted the theme for this party to be special, to be something she is really obsessed with and crazy about. i toyed with the following themes: dogs, trucks and trains, and the beach. all of these are things siri loves, but i just wasn't crazy about them. then, it struck me: a farm animal-themed party! siri loves farm animals, especially making animal noises. this was it. i had my theme, now onto planning and gathering supplies for the party.

now, one would think that it wouldn't be so difficult to find favors, decorations, accessories that are pigs, cows, chickens, etc. but it is. trust me. i visited numerous stores, from the nearby funky "hardware" store to a large, tacky party supply store. nada. zilch. no farm animals. i searched online for farm animal party hats, masks, etc. and found very little. the ones i did find were either (a) not age appropriate or (b) plain ugly and boring. i am still piecing together cupcake decorations for the actual party, but the party theme isn't really the point of this entry. the point, my friends, is blatant commercializing and gendering in American culture.

take the tacky party store. there was an entire aisle devoted to kids' parties, with supplies sectioned into themes. one would think that is a very convenient and smart way to create a "one stop" shop for the party planner. the truth is, it IS smart and convenient. and, it is a very good way to pigeon-hole children and societal expectations for them. the thematic aisle was divided down the center with visible "girl" themes and visible "boy" themes. i looked on the girl side and wanted to vomit. pink, pink, and more pink! princesses, kittens and cupcakes oh my! the boys' side? trucks, superheroes, and animals (but not farm animals) of course. elmo is surprisingly only on the boys' side, but i guess that's because he isn't pink. girls can only be clad in pink. even their birthday parties must be pink-themed (think pink kittens).

i was beyond disturbed. as a sociologist, i know that gendering is unavoidable, no matter how hard parents may try to avoid it. one princess-obsessed friend creates a mob of young girls who all vie to be "cute," "pretty" and "sweet." but, seeing how convenient it is to gender a child, now that was powerful. i can understand how a parent with her mind set on a farm animal themed party would get discouraged from this aisle (and all the other stores she has already visited). she is busy and already multitasks. is it worth the time and effort to seek out those farm animals? isn't it much easier to just pick between hello kitty, disney princesses or hannah montana (i kid you not, there was a hannah montana section)? plus, these are visibly "girl things," and she doesn't want her kid to stand out as weird for having a party with "boy" stuff. the kid who loves farm animals is now forced (for better or worse) to be excited about cinderella and belle. well, why not? they're girls, and they wear colorful dresses...and so, it begins.

as a parent, i was pissed. i am busy and tired. i don't have time to visit numerous different stores over the past few weeks looking for farm animals, and this isn't counting the hours i spent searching online. i just want to get the party stuff over and done with, and how i wish i hadn't done hello kitty last year...and, why are all kids' party themes commercialized? there was thomas the train and buzz lightyear, as opposed to plain trains or astronauts. yes, let's indoctrinate our children into the commericalized world at a young age. "mommy i want a thomas!" what the fuck is a thomas? isn't that a train? if i hear another child call a train a thomas, i might have to slap their parent. okay, that was a little overly irrational, but you get the point.

as tempted as i was to just buy accessories and decorations from one of the conveniently themed sections, i did not. i am a sociologist and a conscious consumer, and a mother who wants to plan a party around things that excite my child (although one could argue that she'd be as excited by thomas the train, dora the explorer, or elmo, but she really has no clue what those things are, and we are not going to go out of our way to introduce commericalized characters). i spent a couple hours last night and tonight searching for pictures of farm animals online. i'm making cupcakes and don't have the time or talent to make animal faces. i will print out pictures, attach them to toothpicks and stick them in the cupcakes. that's about as much as i can do right now. i am angry and annoyed that each of the themed party sections offered cupcake toppers. let me remind you, there was not a farm animal theme. if i conveniently switched the party theme to disney's cars or tinkerbell, i would not be spending tomorrow evening cutting out pictures of farm animals and attaching them to toothpicks.

avoiding gendering is exhausting. and that, my friends, is a VERY inconvenient truth.