processing.

a few of you know this, and have heard me express my general disappointment, but i haven't really had a chance to process. so, i applied for a tenure-track professor position with willamette, and was invited for a phone interview. i did not plan to go on the market this year, but the position was too perfect in every way -- personal and professional. they were looking for someone who studies what i study, who is dedicated to teaching, and who can contribute to the university's american ethnic studies department. oh, me! me! me! plus, the position was in oregon, which is a personal bonus for our families.

i heard about the position in march, and very nervously emailed my dissertation co-chairs, sharing that i was very interested in the position. in essence, they told me i am too early for the market and i'd be more competitive next fall (people generally apply 9-months to one year before the actual start of the position). but, this was a dream job in so many ways, and i convinced them that i could finish my dissertation if offered the job, and convinced them i would do well there, and moving back to oregon would be ideal for my family. well, they were convinced, wrote letters of recommendation, and cheered me on the entire way through.

i knew that applying would be a longshot. the poor economy the past several years has affected academic hiring, and there are many, many candidates on the market with their phds in hand, plus maybe a couple of publications. i do not have my degree yet, and have no publications...yet. i remained positive while waiting to hear back and was frankly surprised when i got the phone interview invitation.

i got the invite late thursday afternoon, and agreed to a monday interview. i spent the weekend soliciting advice from friends and professors, poring over possible interview questions, and even had my brother and sister-in-law call me from seattle for a mock interview. this job would mean so much for us. not only would it be some sort of validation that my work is worth something, but also we could move to an environment where there was no preschool application hell, and life is just...simpler. we long for that life, for the childhood we had and want siri to have. plus, a move home would be great for jeff's career too.

i can't deny that i was stressed. i was stressed for myself, for siri's future, and for jeff's sanity. i wanted this job SO badly, that i don't think i really took time to relax (although i made myself take a deep breath before answering the phone when it rang at 1:45pm). i'm not sure what transpired from the interview since it happened two weeks ago, but in my mind it went horribly. i wanted to make known that i'm an oregonian and can contribute with insider knowledge about the various racialized communities in the state. instead, i just emphasized that i'm an oregonian without much substance. i think i may have answered each question with "well, i'm from oregon..." ugh!

so, i didn't get an invitation for a campus interview (next step after phone interview), and that's that. i have to admit that i am heartbroken. but, on the bright side, i get to take my time writing my dissertation, and hopefully publish an article or two so that i am more competitive next round. hopefully, i'll also get some interview practice in next time before an actual interview. this was my first academic interview, and i sounded like an idiot. i'm pretty sure my memory is sharp on that one.

but, i have to say that putting together the application materials was a very good exercise (non academic folks brace yourselves. the application materials consisted of: a letter of application, statement on research, statement on teaching, teaching portfolio, cv, and a separate statement especially for willamette). i spent about two months putting together, and polishing the materials; it was helpful for me to think about my work. granted the phone interview was a disaster, i appreciated the opportunity to practice. practice makes perfect, right?

now, my friends, it's time to move on. the dissertation awaits, and i need to write, write, write! be on the lookout for more rejection processing next fall/winter/spring when i hit the market full force ;)