my hometown

corvallis was in the news this past weekend, i mean in mainstream news. quick recap for those not in the know: bomb threat at xmas tree lighting ceremony in portland's pioneer square was allegedly engineered by a muslim osu student (with fbi's help), who attended a local mosque very infrequently. someone set fire to the mosque a couple of nights ago -- do the two incidents connect? i think so.

i've been following the story because i am a corvallisite and an oregonian. and, because i am a sucker for sensationalist news. i am glad no one was hurt, with the exception of the kid who sought to blow up the tree lighting ceremony. i am relieved the fbi intervened, but i remain uncertain whether the fbi directed the kid in anyway to carry out the task.

i find interesting however, fb friends' comments regarding the incident, and by the gt's portrayal of stunned corvallisites (gt is the local newspaper -- gazette times). i study inequality and social stratification, which leads me to consider how individual positions in society affect the way people think and act. for example, i am an asian american woman who studies law students. i am not a law student, but i am married to a former law student. is it surprising that (a) law students find me far more interesting when they realize i have some "insider" knowledge into their profession? and (b) asian american students tend to be more willing to take part in my study than students of other racialized groups?

the point of this post isn't about my research, although i can't promise i won't unleash a couple at some point. i have honestly been amazed, but not necessarily surprised that people are genuinely shocked that someone would want to torch the mosque. fb friends and corvallisites mention that the town is "open-minded," "progressive," "safe," and a "bubble." well, that may be true...for the most part.

schoolyard taunts aside, my family endured a lot of, how shall we put this, different treatment, from corvallis community members. did people burn a cross in our front lawn? no. did they write mean letters to us? no. were we confined to designated sections in theatres for nonwhites? no. did we feel uncomfortable in certain venues? yes. did people make fun of the way my parents tried to speak english? yes. did merchants take advantage of my parents? yes. did kids make fun of my accent and clothing when i first immigrated? yes. did a kid tell my brother he wanted to beat him up because he's chinese? yes. was i ever told to go back to china? unfortunately, yes. and the list of subtleties goes on and on.

we move next to the state of oregon. in college, several of us (nonwhite students) used to joke that if you're driving to california, you stop for the last time in eugene, and hope that your tank of gas gets you to california. we laughed. but, it's true. my family experienced no service in restaurants and gas stations in roseburg. we've been stared at (or stared down?) in grants pass. we've spotted confederate flags in southern oregon (and southern washington), which sent chills through my entire being. while in college, jeff and i conducted an experiment at a restaurant on the oregon coast. if i waited to be seated alone, i would be overlooked completely. but, as soon as jeff joined me, well "table for two?"

until this day, i experience "small town anxiety," a term i made up for myself. i am uncomfortable and frankly scared in small towns. we stopped in pescadero this past weekend on our way home from the xmas tree farm, and jeff suggested i try to find something to drink by myself while he waited with siri. i didn't want to. the town was tiny, and i didn't want to go by myself. i was immediately transported to grants pass, or roseburg, or prineville and feared how people would stare at me, or refuse to provide service.

don't get me wrong. i love my hometown. corvallis was safe and smart. i met and made great friends, including one that i married. but, do i want to raise siri in corvallis? hell, no. she does not need the type of othering i experienced, whether it's exocticim or plain exclusion. so, as it turns out, the corvallisites in the gt and on fb did not grow up in the same town as me. they also did not grow up in the same state. there was no physical demarcation of our individual experiences; it was unspoken, emotional and psychological. my oregon is not your oregon. and, my corvallis is not your corvallis. am i surprised by the mosque burning? well...